I Hate Math: Why Should I Learn It (From You)?

💡 The Problem is Not the Student: It’s the Scripts We Use

If you teach math or deal with students in general (admins), you have heard it a thousand times: "I hate math." It’s easy to dismiss this as attitude or lack of effort. But what if the anxiety that makes students shut down is a direct, predictable response to the language and emotional cues we use every day? At one point, an educator or parent didn’t care enough to show empathy during math lessons.

My belief is that math anxiety is real, measurable, and often rooted in the classroom environment. To overcome it, we must shift our immediate goal from fixing student attitude to fixing our “pedagogical scripts,” or the words and emotions that shape a student's belief system. For example, the attitude of “failure is not an options” may result in failure or inability to grow.

🧠 Painful Anxiety

It's tempting to think that a student is just being difficult or lazy when they check out. But, math anxiety is not a failure of willpower, it is more like a cognitive impairment.

• The Brain’s Threat Response, for example, is students suffering from math anxiety, even anticipating a math problem can increase activity in brain regions associated with detecting threats and experiencing pain. The struggle is physical and involuntary.

• Anxiety activates a negative feedback loop. The mental resources needed for complex problem-solving (working memory) are diverted to managing fear and worry. This leaves the student with less brain power to actually do the math, leading directly to impaired performance and more errors.

Empathy: If a student can barely think because their brain perceives the task as a threat, getting frustrated with them for "not listening" or "losing track" is punishing a biological response. Minimizing the student's emotional distress is a fundamental prerequisite for them to be able to learn.

💔 The Unintended Damage

Students use a teacher's emotional response to infer the cause of their failure, which then shapes their own self-worth. The psychological harm is profound and often unintentional.

The Actions That Says "You Can't"

When a student struggles, our natural impulse might be to offer immediate, unsolicited help, or express sympathy.

• The Cue: Unsolicited help.

• The Interpretation: Unsolicited help functions indirectly as a low-ability cue. It signals that the student's can’t overcome their struggle through their own effort, implying a fixed limitation.

• The Outcome: This reinforces a fixed mindset and leads to learned helplessness, where the student stops trying because they believe their failure is due to a fixed flaw.

Frustration Signals "You Are Lazy"

• The Cue: Failure attributed to a lack of effort or preparation typically evokes anger or frustration from the teacher.

• The Interpretation: The student internalizes the belief that they are failing because they are lazy or unwilling to try.

• The Outcome: The emotional response (anger/frustration) often leads to shame and guilt. They respond by avoiding challenging tasks in the future.

The Subtle Harm of Fixed Praise

Even seemingly positive feedback can damage a student's long-term resilience.

• Ability Praise: Saying, "You must be smart …," is praise focused on a fixed trait (intelligence). When this student inevitably faces a tougher problem, they attribute their setback to a lack of intelligence, concluding they are simply not smart enough. This leads to a helpless response.

• I'm proud of you: While well-intentioned, the phrase "I'm proud of you" can inadvertently lead to a fixed mindset. The recipient may learn to associate their self-worth with the final outcome or pleasing the speaker.

• Praise the Process and Allow for Self-Refelction: Saying, "I noticed your [specific effort/action]. That must have taken a lot of [positive trait/skill]. How do you feel about your [effort/result]?"

  focused on effort and process. If they fail, the lesson is "I need to try a different strategy or work harder." The open-ended question shifts the focus from the parent’s or teacher's opinion back to the student’s own self-assessment and feeling of accomplishment.

🤯 Math Is Not About Math

“…learning math rewires your brain for problem-solving, building crucial mental tools and tactics applicable to any challenge in life, making you a better thinker, and allowing you to understand the universe's underlying patterns, as math is the language of the cosmos.”

-Neil deGrasse Tyson

💻 Tech-Infused Empathy

Digital Feedback Tools for Attributional Repair

Instead of using the comment section in your Learning Management System (LMS) or digital assignment platform (like Google Classroom) for grades, use it intentionally for process-focused feedback.

• Actionable Tech Script: When reviewing a failed digital quiz or assignment, do not just leave a low grade. Instead, leave a comment that uses the High-Expectation Feedback script: "You didn't get far on this section yet, and if you work hard, you can do well. Let's look at the strategy we used on question 3."

• Normally, you shouldn’t use “But” because it invalidates the previous statement. Rephrases it using “And” instead.

• “Normally;” In this case in it’s a coin toss (it could go either way). Using “But” could invalidate the negative “You didn’t get far…” statement, which is acceptable. However, it could instead invalidate “Yet,” which is a growth mindset term.

The "Why"

Use platforms that allow for custom feedback or "badges" focused on behavior and effort rather than ability.

• Actionable Tech Script: Set up a quick-comment bank in your grading software with phrases like: "Excellent persistence! You attempted five more problems than yesterday," or "Great job applying the strategy we discussed in the tutorial video." This will  reinforce effort and strategy consistently.

🚀 Action for Growth

• For Teachers: We all make these mistakes. The goal is not perfection, but consistent commitment to empathy and improvement. Start today by resisting the urge to jump in with unsolicited help. Instead, affirm your student's potential.

• For Administrators: The long-term damage of ineffective teacher communication is cumulative and can last for a while. Mandate professional development in how student interpret the causes of their own and others' behaviors, internalizing explanations (for example: traits, environment, situation, etc) and Trauma-Informed Pedagogy. Use your EdTech infrastructure not just for teaching content, but for teaching self-efficacy and resilience.

🧔‍♂️ I’m a Dad

I am seen as the “math expert” of the house (I’m not). But, I saw how my daughter started to hate math because of the approach I took. I knew what I wrote here to be accurate, yet I had a hard time applying what I knew to help my daughter. But now, she's asking for help more. I keep learning, and keep correcting my mistakes.